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My swing-etiquette expert, official New Horizons host Sam, said not necessarily. Eye contact is simply the first stage. If there seems to be an invitation, a common second step is to move closer.

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That gives the couple the opportunity to reach out to you, either verbally or physically. Don't stand over them, though—I find that creepy.

But I would never recommend that the third person actually walk over and touch the couple without asking. Those sound like reasonable rules to me.

But still, it felt odd to have someone looking back at me. That evening, I watched a man do a series of slow push-ups into a woman, who seemed to be enjoying the deliberate strokes.

With each thrust, he glanced down at her, but as he pulled back, he locked eyes with me. Maybe he meant it as a friendly invitation, but it confused me, and I walked on rather than risk being misunderstood.

It's extremely rare for a stranger to get invited into a BDSM scene already in progress—watching people play is like watching performance art.

It's just understood that I am the audience, not a potential participant.

If I went back to a swing club, I'd have to get used to the idea that swingers have a much more permeable division between spectacle and sensation. Control Tower Apr 23, Control Tower Sensation vs.

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