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Big tufts of tough green grass with white feathery flowers protruding on huge stalks. The Blue wife swingers of southern South America, and suburban gardens all over the world.

It can grow up to three metres tall. We were having a nice chat about pampas grass and now Blue wife swingers hand is on my leg. You mean on a swing?

I mean married couples swapping sexual partners. So if I see some pampas grass I just go and ring the bell and whoever is inside will have sex with me?

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There must be a lot sexual-partner-swappers out there. Yes, or there were. Sales of pampas grass have plummeted in recent years.

The Telegraph spoke to a few garden centresand they seem to be selling about half what they did five years ago. Have people lost interest in adultery? It might just be that pampas Blue wife swingers has gone out of fashion.

The leaves are quite sharp and nasty, and it can become invasive. Innocent gardeners may also have got wise to its hidden meaning.

Mariella Frostrup planted some six years ago, leading to unexpected inquiries from neighbours. I guess we will. Why are you winking at me?

Are you going to take my hand off my leg now? Topics Gardens Pass notes. Order by newest oldest recommendations.

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